Okay, maybe "anxiety attack" is a strong term, but I did have a moment today where my short term memory suddenly COMPLETELY fizzled out on me and I started feeling completely overwhelmed. I don't know exactly why, either - well, there are about a million reasons why at the moment, I just don't know which one is the culprit!
I have a week left before I leave the United States to go live in Singapore for a year. See, even typing it out here doesn't come close to making it feel real. It's like a fantasy that I have repeated to people over and over for the past two months, forgetting that it will ACTUALLY happen. I left this last full week of mine completely open so that I could fill it with seeing friends, continue to work out, and do whatever else I need to get done. But today, it was like I realized that I went from having a completely open week to a completely crammed week, and my brain couldn't handle it. Funny thing is, my schedule isn't all that full, I just have maybe one or two things each day. But apparently that's enough to send my brain into meltdown mode.
On top of that, I also experienced a bit of anxiety with food today. I suspect this is quite common among both bodybuilders and people who "diet" in general. Usually I'm very level-headed about it and know that as long as I eat clean when possible and continue to work out, my body will still respond positively. But with wanting to eat at so many places and with so many people this week, my brain is freaking out a bit over how my body may respond to it. I am literally just recently becoming more comfortable with upping my carb intake from competition, which has been tough. You'd think I'd be happy to have more carbs! CARBS CARBS CARBS YUM YUM YUM!!! But I do get paranoid about possibly overdoing it and losing the work I've done. In the end, I know it's silly, because I'm still training. It was only when I stopped training AND ate unclean that my body felt like a horrible shapeless blob. I know that moderation is key, and I know I'm smart enough to figure out how to balance it, but there's still that little twinge of doubt that creeps up from time to time. Hopefully it will all work out, and I will be able to eat what I'd like and still show up in Singapore feeling my best!
Oh, and I keep wanting to make food. Lots of food. Snacky desserty food. Problem is, with eating out so much, I don't want to have snacks waiting for me at home...ahhhhh dilemmas. I will try to just make a fewwwww more things before I go - who knows how long it will be until I get to do it again!
Overall, I do look forward to this final week despite whatever amounts of stress it may cause. I will continue to be positive and happy and enjoy myself, dammit! :)
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